This month has a lot of changes ahead. I’m moving out and into my grandfathers house that he left my mom when he died. My work schedule is going to change to accommodate my dancing. I owe thousands in vet bills and tens of thousands in school loans. I’m just letting life move me right now. I need change and I usually trust life to float me along in a decent direction. I’m excited and torn up. I love my parents more than I ever show and more than they know but we’ve never gotten along too well. The thought of moving all of my things out of my room makes my stomach churn. This has been my safe place for my entire life. We’ve never moved and now I’m moving out without them, moving out of a house I already no longer feel a part of and now moving everything out and myself and my dog to a house I spent a lot of my childhood at. The whole thing about living in my grandfathers house tears me up also. Before he got sick I stayed over there most weekends. My grandmother died when I was 8. He lived for years alone in that house and I kept him company. It was like a second home. When he got sick I didn’t talk to him. He didn’t want me to. So for months I just feared his phone calls and the awkward conversations. When he died I was the only one who knew his house well enough to find certain things and since then I haven’t really been there. I have all these thoughts in my head about my parents, family and getting older and it just hurts.